Poll: Do you “get” sexiness?

/ Elizabeth

So, piggybacking off my last post, where Tim Gunn, who described himself as asexual numerous times, said, “there are women to whom I’m attracted. It’s not like I want to go to bed with them—but I can appreciate when someone’s radiating sexiness.” I’m curious. How many other asexuals (who read this blog, obviously) feel the same way?

Please only answer if you identify as asexual or gray-asexual!

6 thoughts on “Poll: Do you “get” sexiness?”

  1. First of all, I believe that different people find different things sexy. Being exposed to culture/society, I’ve learned that certain things are commonly considered sexy, so I can sometimes recognize those things in people, even though I don’t feel sexual attraction to them myself. On the other hand, I sometimes feel aesthetic and/or emotional/intellectual attraction to certain people, and sometimes I will call those people “sexy”, even though I have no desire for sex with them. To me, using the word sexy in that way is synonymous with “good looking” / “appealing” / “admirable”. Maybe I interpret the word in that way, because it’s the only way I can understand it.

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  2. This is something I struggle with and always have. Before I became aware of my own asexuality, I used to talk about people being sexy when what I really meant was that I thought they were aesthetically attractive. It seems to me that people who are not asexual equate beauty with sexiness, but that isn’t a rule and there’s something else which makes a person sexy. Apparently people can be good looking but not sexy, or sexy but not good looking.

    So I have to admit that I don’t get what sexiness is, and think that the ability to think of someone as sexy is related to the ability to be sexually attracted. Of course, if other asexuals can experience sexiness but not sexual attraction then maybe there is a difference… Is experiencing someone as sexy the same as being sexually attracted to them? That’s the question, for me.

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  3. My aesthetic attractions are usually far different from those of the norm.
    I have a slight idea what is typically considered ‘sexy,’ to be honest, but do not find those sort of people attractive; more often than not I am repelled by them.
    Overall I do not understand the concept.

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  4. Could have voted either of the last two. I have an ambiguous aesthetic attraction to certain individuals – I enjoy looking, but it’s a reaction of “shiny!” rather than “sexy!”.

    “Sexy” as a concept just confuses me. Is it about aesthetic appeal? Is it about what sex feels like? Is it a function of other elements I do not begin to understand? Hence I voted for the last option. I just don’t know what “sexy” is. I will continue to, instead, admire an attractive human in the way I might admire an attractive landscape, building, or artwork.

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  5. i’m not asexual but your topic interested me. hope you don’t mind me commenting.

    i’d have to mostly agree with what darkoshi wrote up above…

    “First of all, I believe that different people find different things sexy.”

    i understand sexy as a judgement value word that means different things to different people. i myself don’t use that word as it has a seventies porn resonance, something slightly cheesy, overly performative, with a frozen come hither don’t you want to fuck me smile that i find distasteful.

    “Being exposed to culture/society, I’ve learned that certain things are commonly considered sexy, so I can sometimes recognize those things in people, even though I don’t feel sexual attraction to them myself.”

    i link the concept of “sexy” to power, oppression and dominance, linked to white domination, patriarchy, lookism, youth centric ageism, fat phobia and monogamist relationship culture. i don’t find sexy very sexy for this reason. most people who might be considered sexy by mainstream standards either because of their physical configurations or because of their behaviours i tend to not find sexy because the act of finding them sexy includes/necessitates my own internalized domination. can’t do that. don’t wanna.

    “On the other hand, I sometimes feel aesthetic and/or emotional/intellectual attraction to certain people, and sometimes I will call those people “sexy”, even though I have no desire for sex with them.”

    oh, these are truly sexy people, truly, deeply attractive people, as far as i’m concerned. feeling as if i’d like to get close to someone’s fire, their drive, their focus, their ability to speak/write/think, is when i feel most attracted to another, especially when their social positioning makes it clear that they should never have survived, let alone learned to make themselves heard or felt in the ways they do. that’s hot.

    “To me, using the word sexy in that way is synonymous with “good looking” / “appealing” / “admirable”.”

    all these are also judgement value words that really mean nothing unless i understand who is using the words, their values, their politics and who they gaze upon, how this person is socially positioned.

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  6. Since there are a lot of comments about the definition(s) of sexy, I’ll preface by saying I used the literal definition of sexy: causing sexual attraction. I usually know when someone is trying hard to be sexy (such as showing lots of cleavage, or really short skirt), but otherwise, not really. And when I do realize they are trying to be sexy, instead of getting aroused, I just get physically uncomfortable.

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