New Adventures in Polyamory

Yesterday, I got to meet my fiancée’s new girlfriend.

Since we’ve been together, C has dated several different people, but up until now she’s only done long-distance relationships with people other than me. Those relationships never made me jealous, but because they were LD, I never thought that would be an issue. I always kind of wondered whether or not I’d start to feel jealous if she managed to find someone who was local, but so far, I’m pleased to report that it hasn’t been an issue at all. It’s been about 3 weeks now, so it could certainly still come up, but I don’t think that it will.

In fact, it’s kind of interesting. There are a lot of similarities between my first dates with C and her first dates with her new girlfriend, including (in part) the location. This is another girl that she can spend hours talking to without wanting to go home. She also seems to have a lot of similar interests as me.

But what’s really interesting is how we’re different. For all that I used to wonder whether I really counted as asexual or not, in comparison to her, it’s pretty clear that I don’t experience sexual attraction. C, for her part, says it’s really weird because she’s not used to dating sexual people, and forgot what they were like. Now she’s in the position of trying to decide what she’s ready for. Despite saying that before she met me, she didn’t know if she could date an asexual person, she’s been telling me lately that she’s glad that I’m asexual!

So all in all, being polyamorous has been working out just fine for us. I have actually gotten more enjoyment and amusement from hearing stories about her other partners than jealousy.

One of my absolute favorite things about being poly, though, is that I get to read all the really bad OKCupid messages that C gets. Seriously, they’re fantastic. She’s been compiling a list of the particularly bad ones. Here’s an example:

Oct. 20, 2010 – 8:49pm
How was your day? One of our medics used me as an example demonstrating the efficiency of 14 gauge needles, it looks like a juice box straw if you do not know, it was crazy the blood flow. Got to go talk to you later.

That was sent to her by a complete stranger, whom she had never talked to before. Another person she had never talked to before asked her this:

Apr. 25, 2010 – 12:42am
Hey how are you? How many times a day you like sex?

Or how about this one?

Nov. 15, 2010 – 11:38am
Hi… I am Marc… [Name of City we live in]… Interested?

Or this:

Aug. 15, 2010 – 2:30pm
Hi Im dave a 38 yr old married 6’2 240 i saw ur pic and thought u were very attractive ;) msg me if u want to chat ;)

I don’t know what’s with describing his appearance, but this other guy felt the need to do it too:

May 13, 2010 – 9:08pm
hi it roger 29 5’9 140 brown hair hair and eyes very outgoing down to earth very fun guy to be with i have 7 brother and 2 sister well i love to travel i love to party well i have a good job well i own my house in [misspelled place name] well i love my job on Base well i am a very open person well want to know anything just ask


And perhaps the most pointless message of them all:

Aug. 22, 2010 – 3:25pm
I haven’t heard of any of those bands. Maybe I should check them out.

7 thoughts on “New Adventures in Polyamory

  1. heheh. I like the last message best. As for men describing their appearance, from what I’ve heard, men tend to be aroused visually, and/or have specific body types that they are attracted to. So I guess they assume that other people are too, and by describing how they look, they might get someone else interested in them. At least they didn’t give measurements of their genitals like some guys do!

    Oh, that reminds me, I got a funny OkCupid message out of the blue a while back:
    This thing wants me to message some people, and you haven’t been on since 2009, so I figure it’s safe to message you and not get a reply. I don’t really want to message anyone right now, you see, it’s just that I want to do what the thing says.


    • Yeah, I certainly hope they weren’t giving genital measurements, LOL. I think what they’re failing to understand is that height and weight still say virtually nothing about your appearance, and hair/eye color is still incredibly vague. From what I understand, women tend to be more interested in things like what a guy’s arms look like, too.

      That message is pretty amusing. I probably would’ve tried to think of a goofy reply just because whoever sent it says they don’t want to get a reply. I wonder if it was honest or an attempt at reverse psychology or something.


      • It never occurred to me that they might have been trying reverse psychology! At first I had an urge to write something small back, but then I thought better of it, seeing as how sincerely it sounded as if the person didn’t want a reply.

        You’re right, height and weight don’t say much about what someone looks like, and hair/eye color is probably the least important thing to me.. I can hardly remember what my own partner’s eye color is.


  2. Me and my boyfriend are also open to polyamory and looking for people on OKC (but so far nothing beyond online friendship happened). The styles of some of those messages are familiar to me, LOL. The most weird one I got was:

    “So argon (Ar) floats into a bar and orders a drink. The barkeep looks at him and says “I’m sorry but we don’t serve noble gasses in here”. Argon (Ar) does not react.”


    • Lol, at least that message is actually funny! (Well, if you get chemistry humor, anyway.) C said she laughed a lot at that and showed it to some of her friends. She said she would totally respond to that one.

      It does take a while for OKC to actually go anywhere, doesn’t it? It took 3.5 years before C was able to find anyone else in the area—and us finding each other was definitely a huge stroke of luck/good timing!


      • Hmm, neither me nor my boyfriend thought it’s very funny…I know the basic chemistry, but “we don’t serve noble gasses” sounds a bit “artificial” (can’t think of a better word).

        True, meeting people on OKC (or any dating site I guess) is largely hit and miss. It will probably take years for us too, especially in our small town. But long-distance friends are also nice. :)


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