[TW: sexual violence, toxic community, erasure of survivors]
So I just got back from the hospital (I’m fine, I’m taking care of someone else), and found a link to this survey in my email. This has apparently been going around since August 1st?? But I didn’t even see it at all until now.
Which is terrible, considering I’ve been the one mainly holding down the fort at Resources for Ace Survivors through the first half of this month. Whoever made this up—it was not a researcher, I presume, because it lacks any kind of information about who is conducting the research and how it will be used—did not try to contact anyone at RFAS at all. This suggests to me that whoever made up the survey either may not be very experienced with the ace community, or may not really know or care much about ace survivors’ actual experiences. A cursory google search would have brought RFAS up, and it should be pretty obvious we’re the go-to place for that sort of stuff. If Mysterious over there wanted participants, we would have been the place to ask.
This survey as written, though, is NOT safe or trauma-sensitive. In short, I recommend avoiding it. Some triggering details about this survey under the cut…
The questions focus on only one specific type of survivor experience (only in mixed romantic relationships) that would serve as politically useful talking points, so seeing as how there’s no explanation given, it’s a fair guess to say that that’s probably how the Mystery Creator is going to be using this. It completely erases any ace survivor who doesn’t fit that particular mold. Queenie described the problems with all of this in more detail.
The first question is also, “Have you ever been raped, sexually assaulted, and/or coerced into unwanted consensual sex by a romantic partner?”
NO. Coerced unwanted sex should not be described as “consensual.” It isn’t. Saying that is really not okay.
So if you are an asexual survivor, please don’t take this survey. If you feel really triggered by this and need to talk to someone, we can put you in contact with someone on The List. Also, we’ve got a discussion topic about dealing with toxic communities going, and maybe some of the suggestions people mentioned might be helpful (most of the discussion has been private though, so you’d need to join our forum to see it).
Please take care, everyone.
(P.S. — I have a stack of emails to go through, that I hope to get back to very soon. For a while now, I pretty much have just been phone posting and taking care of only the highest priority emails when I had the chance. For protecting privacy, I don’t have my blog or RFAS emails connected to my phone. So if you’ve been wondering why I’m commenting/posting but not getting back to you, that’s why. Sorry! I hope to soon.)