Comment Policy

This is a personal blog. While you are welcome to voice your opinions, I am not obligated to publish them here, and I will delete comments that violate my commenting policy. This is in no way a violation of your free speech, because you are of course free to state your opinions elsewhere.

The following rules will apply to all comments henceforth:

  1. Harassment will not be tolerated.
  2. You are not allowed to tell other people what feelings they experience, and this includes whether or not they feel sexual attraction. You do not know what another person’s internal experience is like. You are not the expert on someone else’s life.
  3. Victim-blaming and ranking different forms of victimization or oppression is not allowed. You also don’t get to tell anyone else that they’re not oppressed. However, calling someone on a claim that they are “oppressed” by a specific group of people who are actually doing something benign is acceptable. But I won’t be hosting arguments about whether any certain type of oppression actually exists unless otherwise specified.
  4. Revealing another person’s identity or sharing other confidential information about them is not allowed. Do not out people or share any of their experiences that have not been posted publicly. If you must mention a case you’ve heard about, make sure the details you share are not revealing. I encourage anyone who sees information shared here that is not supposed to be shared to contact me and let me know, so that I can remove it.
  5. Do not pose as someone else or engage in any kind of sock-puppeting. This may be hard to catch sometimes because many people have the same names, but if you see someone doing it here, please let me know.
  6. Racist, sexist, ableist, classist, homophobic, transphobic, or acephobic comments are not allowed. Take a moment to think of where your own privilege may be blinding you to the truth of a situation before commenting.
  7. Do your research before posting a comment. This blog is not a 101-level visibility project, and I have no obligation to educate you on demand. If I’m feeling up to it, I may do it, but most of the time I am just going to tell you to go find basic information elsewhere. Remember, I get asked the same questions over and over, hundreds of times. If you are unfamiliar with asexuality, feminism, polyamory, etc. then any question you ask me has probably already been answered well many times over. Just Google it. (If your questions are thoughtful and go beyond basic 101 questions, however, I welcome them.)
  8. Comments implying that having sex is a goal that everyone should strive for regardless of their own personal desires are not allowed. Likewise, comments implying that “compromise” in an intimate situation between an asexual person and a *sexual person means that the asexual person must have sex are also not allowed. There is no situation in which anyone is obligated to have sex. Saying that there is or that there should be is coercive. If you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have sex with you, that’s your prerogative, but you are not allowed to say that because you are in a relationship with someone, that they therefore owe you sex.

In all regular comment threads, comments that violate these rules will be deleted. However, occasionally some deleted comments may be posted publicly for transparency’s sake, to address the reality that such attitudes exist and are a major obstacle. In these specific threads, since the topic is the nasty comments, there will be more leniency.

Otherwise, the topics listed above are out-of-bounds, because at best they would derail the topic at hand. My intention is not to censor people, but rather to make the comments a space where people who deal with the reality of being oppressed on a daily basis can go to talk about issues without feeling re-traumatized to as great a degree as possible. Many people would otherwise simply opt not to even read comments posted here, much less get involved in any discussions. These people cannot be reasonably assumed to be included in such discussions without the specific exclusion of attacks to them. The implementation of this policy is setting boundaries, which all commenters are expected to follow. Dissent is welcome as long as it stays within these boundaries.

For now, moderation only applies to first-time commenters. This may change without warning.

In addition, I recommend following these guidelines when posting comments:

  • Be sure to fully read the article that was posted.
  • Try to consider the intended audience of the post and what limitations that may incur on the essay.
  • When posting constructive criticism, be specific. Provide evidence of what particular passages or phrases elicit negative responses, and if possible examples of how they might be done better, or what you would like to see instead. The reason I ask this is because it can be very difficult to know exactly what you might be referring to in a post of any significant length, and if there are multiple instances it can be very easy to miss some of them when revising. Knowing exactly what to look for makes it easier to make changes.
  • Titles of my posts are often facetious, overly simplistic, or may even express attitudes I am writing against on purpose in order to get more readers interested enough to actually look at them. Please keep this in mind when interpreting them.
  • Please post your comments/criticism on my blog instead of just redirecting me to a Tumblr post. I do not have a Tumblr, and I don’t bother trying to check links to my posts from there for interesting comments anymore, because there are way too many. So if you want me to actually see what you said about it, and be able to respond to it, please post your comments here as well. I prefer that you copy and paste your comment if you have made a post instead of just linking it, because if you decide to delete your account before I get to read your comment (this happens sometimes when I go on blog hiatus), then I won’t get to see it at all. It also helps to further the discussion when posts, comments, and responses to comments are all on the same page. Finally, when posting a comment on one of my posts to Tumblr, please refer to my content use guidelines.