This page is for answering questions that I get asked often enough to warrant a public response. But only those questions that I deem worthy will end up here.
I will no longer be providing basic 101 asexuality education in this space. I will simply assume that readers can do their own research to catch up with whatever I am talking about. You can check out the following:
- What is Asexuality?
- Asexuality Archive
- The Invisible Orientation by Julie Sondra Decker (book available at Amazon)
- The Demisexuality Resource Center
- Matthew’s Place series on asexuality by Stormy O’Brink
- On gray-asexuality and greyromanticism:
Q: Do you think I could be asexual?
Yes. Only you can know for sure! If you are questioning and seriously want to ask others this question, please read this post. You don’t need others’ permission to identify as asexual—and asking is likely to lead you astray. It is something you must decide to claim for yourself.
Q: HELP!! My partner is asexual and I don’t know how to fix our relationship!
Sorry, I can’t help you. I do not have the time, energy, or expertise to evaluate the individual personal relationships of strangers—and honestly, given the extremely limited, one-sided perspective I am usually privy to, I can’t even know if your relationship is worth saving. I advise you to communicate with your partner, and genuinely try to work with them—respectfully, with kindness rather than resentment. Don’t pressure them. Beyond that, I can’t say. It is up to you and your partner to resolve the situation. No one else can give you the answers.
All questions asking for personal relationship advice will be deleted from my inbox.
Q: What is sexual attraction? How would I know if I felt it?
I have long since given up on trying to define sexual attraction. I do not think it can be defined in a satisfactory way—what I know is that people experience it in a variety of different ways, and come up with different working definitions for themselves. That’s fine, and good enough, because I don’t think we need an exact definition. Moreover, I find the question tedious and uninteresting. Others can speculate about it if they wish. For me, it’s a question that serves no purpose other than stirring up self-doubt and bolstering attempts at gatekeeping. I am pretty much over it.